home ...organizing

Wow...I can't believe it's already Thursday and I'm barely organized in my home care...unbelievable amount of preparation and work...my son and his Dad came up yesterday and helped me assemble some home care devices and what we thought would take a couple of hours became a full time job...and this was done by a contractor...my oh my...what a day...I'm so grateful for everyone's help...if my husband and I were to have done this...it would have been many days before completion...only a few more things to tweak and I'm off and running...

So much to do....and do and do and do and still do...ongoing new lifestyle commitment...learning to adapt...another week and I'll be a pro...still looking for a volunteer nurse or experienced shot giver to help me on Saturday...some of you have offered...due to the length of the needle and my lack of buttocks body fat....I really would love an experienced person at least the first time on my own...Saturday afternoon is shot time...anyone???? please!!!!

Off to run errands and go to Dr. and Dentist appts and then back for treatments...sending much love...

Day 13 in Mexico Saturday

only one more day to go and I'm feeling mixed emotions...part of me wants to stay and continue here...the other part of me needs to go home and start integrating this home care...it's a huge commitment and I have to be diligent...so options...

symptoms from the shot have improved....

need to pack and check out early am then spend the entire day completing my treatments and then home in the evening...probably getting home around 9 ish...so much to do to set up my home care and continue my treatments immediatly...some start again tomorrow night when I get home...WHEW...5-6 hours a day at least...it will all come together...

so many tears saying goodbye...I'll be back here in one month for a check up and more tests ...tweaking the treatment if needed

so many good stories to share...I'm overwhelmed by the love and care...more stories to share later...for now...packing...see you all soon...

day 12 in Mexico Friday

Feeling very sick today...fluish...similar to chemo symptoms...side effects from the vaccine...shot number 2..all good...supposed to happen...not fun but happy it's working...I cried today as I said goodbye to the nurses and staff who will not be here on Sunday when I leave...it's already like family here...such an emotional day...saying goodbye and feeling sick...it's all good and important...I get so close to these people who are so loving and basically are possibly saving my life...

I have so much to do when I get home...a little nervous as my handyman has not called back...he's been out of town..anyone know of a great handyman who could put some things together quickly ...tomorrow and Sunday???

Love to all...see you soon...

Day 11 in Mexico Thursday

I was supposed to get my vaccine today ...I thought...and then it turns out it's really tomorrow...I was supposed to go tonight and have a Reiki Healing and I decided that too many things are back to back scheduled...even if they are good things...I needed a break from structure ...so after dinner I came back to my room and took a needed shower and rest...so here I am ...getting ready to come home ...planning and preparing and excited and ready...I could stay here another week...I'm coming back in one month for more testing...

So many good things...already saying good by to certain staff who won't be here when I leave on Sunday...already shedding happy " I'll miss you tears"

Love to all...

visit to see Pema

As most of you know...I have studied Buddhism for many years now...in some ways, since I was a small child riding the bus to downtown Sacramento visiting all of the churches with my Mom...we would visit each church so my Mom could teach me about God and that God/Love was in every church...I loved the Catholic churches and for a long time ...I could imagine becoming a Nun...the beauty and the feeling really touched me at such a young age....however...when I went into the Buddhist Temple ...I knew I was home...the food ....vegetarian and the environment in general resonated with me...somehow planting a seed for where my life is now.

About 10 years ago I discovered Pema Chodron and her words of wisdom have helped me get through some tough times...as I became to study more ...I was drawn to study within her lineage and have since devoured Buddhist Texts...Buddhist Teachers and Buddhist Studies and practices...I have been transformed as a result of this dedication.

I have requested for Pema to be my formal teacher for quite some time now ....at the time of my original request...she was too busy to add more students...since I have been very patient and consistent in my requests...last year she suggested that I meet her in June( this month) in Berkley/ San Francisco, when she comes to visit her family. I was to have a formal interview and then she would decide if she would be my teacher...as you all know...formally or informally...she will always be my Teacher...she is everything to me!

Now...due to my treatment plan ...here in Mexico and also the home treatment discipline...I can't go to meet her...I just recieved my date to go....June 28 ....just moments ago I emailed her daughter to let her know my situation and that I must request a new date....oh well...what timing...I'm sad and still optimistic about this..she is my teacher so deeply that it's ok...I can feel her strongly...my treatment protocol is too intense to leave for at least 3 months...5-6 hours per day ...and that may also last up to 2 years or more...I'm just grateful to be alive and to have the hope that this can work for me...

Many of you had suggested a road trip to take me to see her and now we have to wait for another time..

Love to all...Love to Pema,

Day 10 In Mexico Wednesday

Dear Friends...

Another powerful day!!!

I am transformed here in so many ways...

This morning I was able to walk over and take yoga again from Javier.
After class...he said " Do you have a few minutes? I have some healing information for you..." I stayed and spoke with him in Spanglish...it worked well...he said, "I've been thinking a lot about you since Monday's class and I've done some research about your cancer and also about the feelings I get from you and about you..." It turns out he is also a Reiki Master...he teaches many people here about Reiki and has weekly healing sessions...He had observed me doing some healing energy work over my belly during a rest period in yoga and asked me about it...I shared with him my Reiki background and he was very pleased as that was part of what he wanted to share with me regarding healing...In addition he had 3 important tasks for me...

1. Use Clay on your belly for 1-2 hours daily ...his grandfather had pancreatic cancer and was told he would die in 3 months...he died several years later from a non-cancer issue...his Grandmother was a healer and she started clay therapy on him daily and she feels that is what healed him...
He also shared numerous healing stories about clay that had to do with many different ailments...it was touching and moving..
He gave me very specific instructions
2. Wheat grass...he  was also very pleased that I was already on that....
3. Visualization...his instructions were as follows:

Place yourself in a pink light as a sphere or circle several feet out from your body...at first you're alone and you only feel ..no thoughts or words or focus other than Love...he repeated LOVE at least 20 times...LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE....etc. He then said after you spend a while sending LOVE to you..then maybe you would like someone to join you...the first thought of a person is the right choice...let that person come in and send LOVE LOVE ect to you and that person....then allow as many people in to your circle as you wish or honor what comes to you....you can even have a parade he said...I love that part...and then do this everyday...send love to your body and mind and to everyone who comes to you...I didn't tell him I already do this...I was so touched by his passion and style of directions...I was and am so grateful...

He then went on to invite me to attend a Reiki healing tomorrow night...I hope I can go...He wants to have several practioners working on me ...He said ...this is on me ...My treat to you...

He is amazing...the yoga class structure is just ok...it doesn't matter ...it is filled with love and peace and at the end of every class is a chant that he repeated in English that basically translates as
" I am joy"
"I hear LOVE"
" I speak LOVE and pure words"

Then later in between treatments...I went out for a quick walk to the health food store to buy more walnuts for myself and one of the patients here and there was a man out front asking people to sign a petition...when he realized I wasn't the person to sign...he didn't say anything at first...then when I came back out ...he said..." You must remember that you must continue to smile your beautiful smile and to continue to show warmth from your eyes ....this is what will keep you healthy" I thanked him and it was difficult not to cry but I didn't and I said I know that so well ....it was auspicious...it felt like an omen....it felt beautiful!

I have had a full day of treatments and I had good news tonight about some blood work that came back....my hemoglobin improved a lot!!! And more good news in small ways but I'll take it...I have so much to prepare for before I go home on Sunday night and then when I get home to continue 5-6 hours of treatments per day...Even though here it's so much more...There will be ongoing expensive medications monthly ...I just have to know I will be provided for...one step at a time...

I receive another Thermography tomorrow although it's too soon..I'll probably come back here in one month and then again in 3 months for check ups...

Another shot tomorrow...I'm still only at 1/2 the dose and it made me that sick...he said that's great that my body is sensitive to it...it's another good sign that the vaccine is a good one for me...

Time to go take a shower and rest..I'm so grateful for every moment here...for everyone who made this possible I am humbled and commited to continue to teach about the power of LOVE for the rest of my life!!!

Thank you
Namaste

Day 9 in Mexico...Monday

A great day today...

I woke up feeling queasy from the shot and then I improved very quickly...I get another shot on Thursday...

I had treatments all day and the great news is that my ex-husband and friend and my son ( his Dad) came for a day visit today...even though we could only visit a few minutes at a time...the great part is that the main Dr. ....Dr. Tony....gave a lecture...first time since I've been here...and they were able to attend with me...

Then after more treatments we took a short walk on the boardwalk and took pictures ...and made more memories. I think Shea was relieved that he didn't need to come and be the caregiver as he had so anxiously offered prior to me coming here...although it's a great place for me here...it would be very boring for someone as a caregiver...

Starting to plan my home care and getting organized for what must be continued for 3 months straight without a break in routine...then another check up...

love to all