off to chemo today...

After receiving the interesting ...wonderful...confusing and yet..." I'll take it ....NEWS..." ....I"m off to chemo for the second round of cycle 8...ready... relaxed and happy!

I also want to share the amazing energy and love that is arising at the yoga studios....

Monday night yoga @ yoga vista has exploded with powerful and uplifting energy...24 people basking in the light...it has been an honor to share yoga at yoga vista...real down home....genuine...sincere....yoga....no frills....just yoga...Sherry...(owner of Yoga Vista) has shared herself with me and the students in a way I have never seen before. She is accessible and real and her integrity is a mirror for me to uphold and reflect in my life on all levels! She opens her heart and the studio to all yogis and finds a way to bring students together who may not have had the ability or the vision to experience yoga. Due to her creative abilities...no one is turned away ....her generous heart and welcoming vision has been transformative for me and the students at yoga vista!

Thursday nights at Soul of Yoga is filled with a spiritual energy and energetic power....again the depth of student comittment and love permeates the room and lingers long after. There is no doubt that the room is filled with the vision of Tom and Trisha....and those of us who hold our classes there have the light already present in the room to lift us as teachers and to continue the transmission to our students. The 20 or more students who show every week are dedicated yogis and I'm so blessed to have that in my life!

Both studios are amazing and walking....and sometimes dancing the yogic path with sincerity and passion! I appreciate the dedication and ongoing support that both studios offer me. It is my dharmic path to share yoga from the deepest part of me and to continue for as long as my physical body remains on this Earth ...to share and to encourage all of us to step into the light of love and compassion! I know with every cell of my being that my path is clear and regardless of what I'm told about my physical body...I'm doing...I'm being my life's work...it's all been training for this moment...

Please join me in some way...I welcome your participation in all areas of my life....I may not be able to be available in person one on one in the way my heart wants to ....but...I'm always here and available from my soul and the love I feel inside. My treatment schedule can be very time consuming....the rest I need from treatments and the work schedule I try to maintain around it doesn't leave me much time to physically meet with you ....I apologize because I truly want to! Please don't interpret my distance as rejection....I'm in a place in my life that I don't even recognize ...I have so much I want to share...so much I want to share....so much I want to share....so much I want to share...and it's happening and I feel amazing!!!!

test results are in...cautiously optimistic

It is very intriguing to be told last night that the MRI shows diminishing cancer while the cancer blood marker continues to rise...it is very mysterious. The chest x-ray was clear. The plan is to continue as is if and until other symptoms or blood work shows otherwise. I am relieved and cautious. I am grateful and curious. I am joyful.

on my way to....

I was able to schedule the MRI and other tests early this morning...getting up at 4am like I used to ...have a beautiful day!!!

made it through the 8th cycle number one....

I have to say that my experience this time was an improvement on many levels....

I have been introduced to new chemo nurses at my Dr's office and this one nurse is fantastic...she is only 24 and has the wisdom of someone twice her age...her care and attention to details has made my experience so much better...so appreciative!

I felt very sick on Friday night and then slowly improved..I tried to go for a walk yesterday and I had to have my husband pick me up...not quite ready for the longer walk and hills I had set out for...that's ok....each time I will feel better...I'm  very anemic and that has it's own challenges on top of chemo rest time.

I feel better today....ready to connect again...getting ready to work today....sending lots of love out to everyone...

Still waiting on the confirmation for the MRI and some additional tests that I just found out about...need more info to know how to proceed...for now...just embracing each moment I get to share and love!

Have a beautiful day....did you see the amazing clouds over the weekend and today? Did you see the full moon??? Did you feel the amazing energy!!!

chemo cycle 8 number one

Going to chemo....eight months now on this chemo...feeling mixed emotions...not knowing if it's working or if I'm just going...

One thing I've learned over the years...is to trust the path...trust what is placed before me as opportunities to learn and to grow...especially when it's so painful and uncertain...so it really doesn't matter....all experiences are just that....it's not judging this vs. that....one woman's poison is another woman's  pleasure...it's really all in the perception...this is natural...this is not....it really doesn't matter at some point....just allowing the experiences to deepen me...it's happening this way naturally....even with unnatural poison....it's not what my intuitive self as an organic girl would choose...or would she???? It's really about embracing the experiences...I have made mostly natural medicine choices my entire life...with the exception of some really serious disease challenges...the natural choices didn't work...I could have given up then to the cycle of life and just let go....I did for a while and I found myself close to death....I'm not ready....I'll say it better...I'm ready if and when it's truly my time....it doesn't feel like that to me...I have so much to share...so much teaching and love to share...I'm just stepping into my time to feel life's wisdom bubbling up inside of me....it's not time yet...and yet....I find myself challenged again...what to do???? My oh my...so many opinions out there...so many judgments....all I can do and say and share is  ... when you are the one faced with these decisions....then you can share your experiences and that will be helpful...until you have really walked in my hiking boots...it's really hard to know for sure..." what would you do?"

I had a very meaningful time with a woman whom I value so much spiritually and energetically ....she welcomes me into her heart and my time with her yesterday was exactly what I needed ...thank you so much...you know who you are....I love you and I value your gifts...her openness with my decisions and my desire to live life in every moment is supported and cherished by her....once again ...thank you!!!

Getting ready to embrace yet another experience....love to you on this beautiful day!!!

Sakyong Mipham

To be a warrior is to experience life on our own two feet, without the companionship of habitual patterns.

not the news I want to share...

Yesterday I experienced every emotion possible and this morning I woke up kind of numb....all I can do is put one foot in front of the other....

The Ca-125 is now up to 8000...it was at 7000 in November of last year and then it went back down to 3900 and now up again!
I have been symptomatic with GI challenges....last week vomiting and the ongoing bowel pains...it's been mysterious to me and to Dr. Bahador because I always get better....

The Plan as of yesterday...

• Schedule MRI for more info

• Continue current chemo until more info is known to help with a new direction

• Keep my attitude and openness to all that comes my way

All I can think of is to teach and share and continue to be an example of  loving more deeply...please come and share in yoga and the other ongoing classes....At this moment, I feel strong and my body and mind are clear and ready to embrace every second of this precious life!!!

To the many friends who may feel left out....Please don't interpret my distance as not loving you in the way you felt when we were in contact....sometimes....often times....unless you are in my direct contact due to work or other immediate day to day needs...I may not have the energy to meet with you or even talk to you....I lose time even and especially when I think I'm going to have more time...the complications that occur are not in my control...I don't even get to see my own son and direct family...I know many of you are feeling rejected...I'm sorry ...please trust my love for you ....I now know how my friends who have had health challenges felt when I was the one feeling rejected...it's not easy...whomever said "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" needs some more "esplaining" ...

I welcome your prayers....your powerful energy that is uplifting!!! I welcome your warmth and your love and I will always be sending it right back to you!!!

May we not waste one moment.... show love and compassion to each other!!!!

BIG TESTS TODAY

Today is the day to check the more important blood work...very important to plan my future treatments...discussion with Dr. Bahador tomorrow afternoon...will keep you posted....send me some extra love and courage for the next few days....have a wonderful day !!!! See you on the mat !

Time to bring out my warrior spirit!!!