made it through another night

where is this pain coming from? it's so intense....

a better day

a better day ....a rough day....still need pain relief....small improvements and then pain again...all I can do is stay in the moment...it's like child birth that is constant...love love love...breathing in love

slept better last night

Going to try a new pain rhythm to see if I can stay ahead of it a bit...the pain is so random that it's a bit more of a challenge...sending love to my chemo so it shrinks the tumors so I can get my g tube out of my belly so I can teach and and and and....so much love to everyone...

I have to dig deeper for relief

I have to go somewhere else for pain relief...this is very intense....I know how to breathe but somehow I lose my breath from the intense pain...help me breathe... I can't do this alone...I really need you....

rough pain

forgive me if I haven't or don't communicate with you right now...it's very rough...the pain is intense...just hoping I'm close to feeling better soon...I love you

Pain

I'm home and in a lot of pain..can't seem to get a handle on it...trying...if I don't improve, I  have to go back to the hospital...I want to stay home...please send ease to all of this pain...I won't be working this week ...soon I hope..love to everyone...take care...Summer

looks like tuesday is the day!!!!!

so far...it looks good for tomorrow...organizing home care...so much to coordinate...will stay in touch...much love

adjusting to the pain

Might be getting closer to getting my pain control worked out...my fentynal pain patch dosage was increased again yesterday...looks like going home tuesday is a better plan...much love

pain and love

Thank you for all that you're doing, especially what goes unnoticed...I see more than I can convey in loving thanks...I have been in a lot of pain....the g tube site...every few hours...it doesn't give me much time to visit on the phone or in person...I wouldn't be able to get through all the pain I feel if it weren't for the love I feel...thank you.

still in hospital

with all of the preparations and the need to coordinate with home health care  and that I'm still in pain from the g tube...the goal is to come home on monday. The sun just came out...it feels good....much love

procedure scheduled tomorrow

most likely i will have a gastric tube placed in my stomach and an ng tube down my nose sometime tomorrow. it has now reached an even more critical point while waiting for the chemo to shrink the tumors that is causing the bowel obstruction @ my stomach...im vomiting several liters daily...the discomfort is huge...energetically...i could use your help...i know this chemo is working....it could take a few months...i can also shrink the tumors in other ways...if we do it together...wow...the possibilities...i miss you..i miss teaching...i love you all

where does all this vomit come from?

i thought i got through the chemo with minimal side effects...then the vomiting has come to visit with more enthusiasum...for me to be able to go home, i need to have adequate pain meds... getting info now...might be coming home sunday or now maybe monday...had a challenging morning...doing better now....so much love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

update

Was able to get my new chemo yesterday afternoon, after a scary alergic reaction..we were able to try again succesfully! I'm doing well today!

I also began iv nutrition...good idea since I hadn't eaten for 10 days...vomited up some meds a few min ago...feel good now...may be able to go home by Sunday....bowel obstruction still challenging...learning to navigate....

love....love...love...and more love!!!!!!!!!

still in hospital

day 9 without nutrition...day 9 with bowel obstruction...day 9 practicing patience.
starting new chemo today...blood levels are low so must be monitored...will be hooked up today to iv nutrition...belly still full...possibly coming home by sunday....all is well...the experience here has been fantastic...love to you in the biggest way...thank you always....your love and support are crucial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

still in hospital

wow...not sure what to share...have had good days, thought I was going home on sunday...then several set backs after trying to eat and drink...recent cat scan shows bowel obstruction higher up ...stomach to small intestine...had an endoscopy this morning...waiting on possible surgery...waiting to start new chemo asap...waiting with patience...my care here is the finest I have ever had anywhere...amazing...if I have to be in a hospital...this is the place...obviously, I won't be working this week...all blend classes cancelled until I send out an email that I'm back...both yoga classes have wonderful subs for thurs and mon nights...
thank you for sending extra special love and healing energy,
summer

in hospital

After tuesday morning class, I began feeling very uncomfortable...fullness in my belly...nausea...pain came later...vomiting and pain became intense...was able to get the mri appt in the afternoon...came home...vomited again...pain again..made it through the night...saw Dr. Bahador early am wed morning...mri results show progressive cancer disease...the current chemo is no longer working...will be starting new chemo next friday...chest xray is clear...received hydration fluids @ his office...went home...took sips of fluid..ate a small amount of food...few hours later..intense pain and vomiting...went to hospital...sharp memorial...pain and vomiting became more intense until I received pain meds @ ER ...cat scan showed bowel obstruction...was admitted at 11pm...needed pain meds until 9:30 am thursday morning...had more tests run yesterday...brain mri showed clear...other tests still need to be discussed...I'm doing much better today...most likely will go home by sunday...every day a new day... love to all...staff here at sharp are amazing...rooms are all private and clean!!!!!!!!!!!!

updated medical info

I had my MRI yesterday...and a chest Xray ...barely got to the appointment...I started having bowel obstruction symptoms moments after the Tuesday morning Blend Class and it progressed into intense vomiting and bowel pain...I was on my way to the hospital and then the vomiting actually relieved the pain and pressure and I was able to get to the MRI...I came home feeling ok...and the pain and vomiting started again...I made it through the night and saw Dr. Bahador this morning...got some IV fluids and discussed the MRI report...

The cancer has progressed which now explains the Ca-125 increasing to 16,000...don't ask me why the MRI didn't show progressed disease at 9000....keep in mind this number should be below 35...mine has now been in the high thousands for 9 months...it used to read 4 when I was cancer free....At this point...it still looks like the cancer is still in the original abdominal area and has not spread anywhere else.

The plan is to discontinue the current chemo drug and to switch to a new chemo regimen starting  next Friday.

I have discomfort from fluid build up in my belly and hope I can make it through the week until the new chemo starts...the cancer is causing the fluid build up. This fluid build up is quite difficult and painful...the bowel obstruction pain is a range of discomfort to full blown ice pick stabbing pain...so far I have escaped the hospital but not sure at any moment how that will go. I still haven't been able to eat...just taking sips of fluids.

I have only canceled my morning class called Blend on Thursday morning this week...I hope to feel better so I can teach yoga on Thursday night...I will post on face book and the blog if I can't teach...and of course I will notify Soul of yoga as soon as possible as I know more...at this point...assume I will teach on Thursday night unless otherwise posted.

Please pay extra special attention to my BLOG entries...FACE BOOK entries and EMAILs....this is my only way to communicate with you ...I value our relationships and it means so much to me that we care about one another so deeply...it matters on so many levels!

If you haven't already...sign up to me emailed from my blog posts...just keep in mind it shows up a day late....so a daily check in is a good idea anyway...especially if you are in my life on a daily basis...

So much love to you,
Summer

heart message

I had missed my ca-125...(the cancer marker blood test that they use and that my body shows response to successfully since the beginning of my diagnosis) due to my cold a few weeks ago...I had it done this week...went to chemo on Friday ( yesterday) and the counts have gone up from 9000 to 16,000....not great news...time to get another MRI and more diagnostic tests to see where the inflammation is showing up...ca-125 reads inflammation...if the MRI shows the same in the abdominal area then it's measuring something from somewhere else in my body...the options could be ovarian cancer cells somewhere else that doesn't show on MRI...or/and a secondary cancer that often follows the primary cancer...especially after treatment for almost 5 years...I had a moment of shock yesterday and yet I know what I'm facing....I'm still hiking and working albeit less than part time but still...feeling good and happy and energetic...it's such a mystery....accepting...breathing...feeling the courage that shows up when I think I'm weak...it's all present right now.. I had a rough chemo night last night and today is a little better... a moment at a time...

Love to all,

summer