Dear Friends,

My husband tried to blog but couldn't get on to my computer...

I'm at home now...

The surgery went text book as Dr. Bahador described it...I was given news that while isn't great ..it's not as bad as what I could have been told...

The cancer was found early...he took off two 1cm tumors that were sitting against the liver and colon...there were smaller tumors around the pelvic area that he was able to get and a few more in the peritoneal cavity...he was able to take everything he could see. He assumes there is more cancer spread in very small amounts that will be taken care of through chemo and my magicians.

The tumors were sent off for tissue assay so the chemo can be tweaked as we go. This report will come back in 4-6 weeks.

Next Friday...

I will start chemo in my belly( port in the belly)..IP chemo...intra-peritoneal directly into the site..once per month and the IV chemo will be 3 weeks on and one week off. This chemo cycle will last 6 months with another chemo for a bit longer called suppression therapy. Protocol could change slightly as I respond to the chemo and as I tolerate the side-effects.

It's going to be challenging ...I can do this!!!

I have a lot of resources ...including all of you and your support through being real and yet offering me the HAPPY place...

It's important that even if you're scared that you don't take me into that dooom and gloom place.

We are all facing death...the real fear is sometimes what it takes to stay alive...as I become weak from the chemo...you may be tricked into thinking that I'm dying...don't go there...remind yourself and me that it's the medicine.

This is what happened last time...many people were freaked out by my physcial appearance ...I got so skinny that many thought it was the end for me...

I will accept death when it is truly my time...it's NOT my time now ...be STRONG with me!

Dr. Bahador is optomistic about what he sees...he prepared me for much worse.

I'm home recovering from surgery...it's shocking to me that I was home within 23 hours of the surgery...it's amazing...I'm in some pain and my biggest thrill is getting up to go to the bathroom...a whole new view of heart rate training...I even took a shower this morning on my own...all good signs..

I was encouraged that it will be possible that I will find a rythym with the chemo and my work hours.

This was explained before( in 2006)...but now is just as important...

My immune system will be depressed...it is vital that no one shows up for classes or private training sessions if you think you may be getting sick or are sick ...even mild symptoms...if I can be sure of this...I can perhaps think about safely finding a rythym with work and treatment...I'm very optimistic about this plan. I did it before...I can do it again...

Also...anyone coming to visit or bring food...or while you're handling food that you're not sick...

Thank you for the outpouring of love ...so many of you came to the hospital to support me...others of you supported me just as much from a distance and I felt all of you. LOVE is truly wonderful...how we can love others through our touch...our thoughts...our behavior....it truly is magical and life affirming!

You may email or call anytime..if I don't answer my phone or return your call...just contact me through a text or email and I will do my best...it's most helpful if you can contact Susan Budner for food and driving scheduling...it helps me not to have to be on the phone or email more...sometimes I'm too tired to be able to do that...

I thank you from the places in me that I didn't know existed...I'm always here for you and don't hesitate to talk to me in a normal way...I don't want to talk about Cancer when you're with me unless there is something for me to tell you...or we need to talk about it...I'm not avoiding it either...many of you feel that if you tell me about your life that it's nothing compared to what I'm going through...that is not true for me...it helps me when you're normal...of course it's a sensitive situation ...just let me into your lives the way you always do!

Many faiths...religions...spiritual beliefs...ect...feel that there are no accidents in life. We are given exactly what we need for growth... for deepening our path...random thinkers just think it's all random and is a product of our environment and lifestyle choices.

As before...what caused this cancer? I don't know....my lifestyle is cancer prevention...my diet is cancer prevention...my past...with stress and who knows what environmental toxins I've been exposed to ...may have and probably have played a role..and genetics...it's not easy to understand. I have done everything to keep myself healthy...other than cancer...I'm super healthy...

I don't know exactly what I believe about everything is meant to be...but I do know that my path has been strengthened through these tough experiences...I do know that I have met extrordinary people because of these challenges...I have felt more Love and continue to feel and see more LOVE from these obstacles. So while I can't explain exactly what is the purpose...I know LOVE more deeply and that is incredible. I don't want to have this be true for me...I don't want to be going through this...but I am...so what do I do about it...I use this precious time to teach about the Love that I feel inside...to help each other find our humanity again!

I love you all very much and I thank you for all that you have done for me and what many of you are about ready to do for me. We have to be strong for eachother...

Much love,
Summer