Yesterday was an eventful day. The pain continued and it didn't seem like the pain medicine was working. As it turned out...I wasn't receiving the full dose...due to the extreme pain that the g tube is causing...it wasn't enough...I didn't realize the needle site in my arm to receive the pain meds was inflamed...it wasn't allowing full transfer of medicine. This was going on since friday and it caught up to me and the intense pain returned...fortunately I had oral pain meds and also some was getting through...The hospice nurse came over yesterday afternoon to help me with this...while she was here we discovered that the g tube had slipped out by a few inches...not good...so...she had to push it back in and tape it down...not great for pain either...I'm currently waiting for an appointment at Sharp Memorial Radiology to take out the tube. It appears I may be able to take it out without the risk of vomiting since I have successfully been clamped off from it for almost 5 days...good sign that I may not need it...the other good thing is if it currently is the source of the pain I'm having...then the pain pump can go away and I can take oral pain meds as needed ...we just have to wait and see how my body responds.Hopefully the g tube will be removed and I'll be back home tonight...
What can I say to express where I am right now???? I'm really scared...it's true...I'm really scared...I'm really scared...I know how to breathe in the tools for my body to recognize strength...to recognize bravery...to allow for this experience to once again become another experience...
For now...please breathe with me...breathe with me...
I love you
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