first one from May 2011
My Beloved Summer,
It is so hard for me to put into words what I have been/am feeling for and towards you. Many times I attempted to write you only to fall short of being able of conveying what is in my heart, as it takes me to such a deep and special place within my being. I write this with positive energy, and love. What I am writing to you is sent with my utmost respect, love and gratitude to you always.
As you know, much better than I, we each have only so much control of our lives and destinies. However, what is important is how we each lead our life in the love, joy, care and good deeds we share and ultimately leave with others. In this regard, you have already left your beauty and spirit for so many others to cherish for the rest of their lives. Only God knows what is in store for each of us, when it will be our time to join and reunite with the many friends and family who have preceded us. But hopefully, when it becomes that time, each of us is able to move forward with a smile in our hearts, with courage, dignity, contentment and in peace. At least this is how I think and feel.
When you wrote in your InnerHouse email about coming home from the hospital and being under the care of Scripps Hospice, I couldn't help but think about when Gladys made that decision.
This past Sunday, May 14, 2011, was the 9th anniversary of Gladys' passing. I went to the cemetery, placed some beautiful flowers in the vase, and sat alone with her for quite awhile. As I normally do, silently I discussed many topics with her. One of the items was you. When I said a prayer for you and asked Glad to help look over you, I saw her smiling with arms fully open. A smile came across my face as the tears were falling down my cheeks. I realized that nothing needed to be said by me as she had it all under control. It was as if I broached a subject matter where I was way behind. Not only in timing but also in the depth of scope and understanding. The energy was warm and bright and I was reassured that everything will be fine. I sincerely hope that this brings you warmth and not sadness.
I guess I will close this by repeating something I have told you before. Summer, I love you and am forever in gratitude to you. You were there for the most special person in my life, Gladys, throughout her entire ordeal. You have been there as a friend, mentor and support for me and my daughters. I can only imagine what you are dealing with and am there for you in any way you desire. The only need I have concerning you is to do anything which brings you peace, comfort, ease your pain and to be free once again.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
With All My Love,
Geoff
Second letter from a few days ago june 2011
Summer,
So sad to read what you wrote regarding meeting with your Doctor (6/24/11). As you well know, these were many of the same thoughts and feelings that Gladys dealt with during her battle with the disease. To me, she is the bravest and most courageous person I ever have known - the way she dealt with all the pain, feelings, emotions, etc. I see the same qualities in you even though I am so distant in seeing what you have been and are experiencing on a daily basis.
I think the greatest thing I did for Gladys during her last days was to put my own feelings of sorrow, grief and emptiness regarding her soon-to-be passing on the back burner and really try to focus on helping her to feel free, be at peace and be able to let go when it was her time. I have shared this with you before. She fought and held on much longer than was expected mostly because of her love for our daughters, especially Briana. She was so concerned for them. So, most of my final private time with her in her final month was to assure her that I would always be there for them, that they would be ok and realize the love and foundation she had already set for them. I also had to let go and know that it would be a short absence in time before we could reunite and be together forever, in a better place.
Although your situation and battle is so different, it is also much the same as Gladys'. The love and appreciation I carry in my heart for you leads me to the same place, wishing you peace and to be free when your time comes. Whether that time is days, weeks, months or years, I hope you are able to not burden yourself with all the worries and fears that bind us here on earth. I hope you realize and feel so good about the person you are and have been for all who know you.
I send you all my love. positive thoughts and hopes that you are able to lead your life without fear and worry. We have no control when it is to be our time to move forward in our never-ending journey but we do control what we do here and leave for others. This is where you already shine with your family, friends, students and acquaintances. When you want to cry then cry but also find the happiness and peace that you have inside and have shared with so many others. As Gladys wrote, you are a true angel. Please know peace and contentment in your heart and soul.
With All My Love,
Geoff
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