I have been listening and watching what has happened around me to me and to others the last month of the most recent challenges and it is very clear to me that many of you...including myself...are uncertain as to what to say...what to ask??? what truths are useful to share and what truths might be left to the mysteries of life???
My friend Mary just passed...several of us thought she was going at any moment months ago...I prepared numerous times...the same thing happened with my other friends who have passed...I think the living begins to prepare for the loved one dying so the shock and the pain isn't so difficult...I understand that as I've done this myself...all I know is that I was very wrong about my intuition...my predictions and even my need to prepare so I could handle it...not spending all of that time and energy just being with the person with love and in the moment by moment days or years that are left. No matter what anyone says...including the greatest psychics out there....no one knows when it's time for a person to transition. I have had the opportunity to speak with some very gifted psychics and they said a real psychic will admit that they don't really know for sure....and to tell anyone when is cruel and dangerous!!!!!
I also think it's human nature to talk about these things behind the back of the person who may be dying....do you think????do you know???have you been told???when????how are you holding up? how is she/he? I've done all of these things...said all of these things....while it's human nature to do this ....it didn't help and it didn't make a difference because we were all wrong...Mary and my other friends and countless others ....passed...transitioned when it was time...when it was their time not my time...
...so what do we say and what do we do???? I guess we just keep doing the best we can with a deep commitement to trust and love and to hold that person up to the highest level and to not help that person transition simply because we are preparing for it...symptoms that another had and died doesn't mean the same symptoms that I have mean I'm dying right away. Desikachar taught me years ago in my yoga training..." Speak the truth that is useful" We don't have to blast people with the truth simply because it's the truth...we don't have to lie either...it's a tough balance...just think about what is the truth that is useful...where is that truth coming from??? Is it entertaining our own agenda or the person we are showing love to with that truth?
I know what this looks like...I know what I feel like...the uncertainty ...Pema and many others have taught us that it is possible to become comfortable with uncertainty but most of us won't spend one moment even thinking that is possible...I'm challenged by this daily ...hourly...will this bite of food cause severe stomach cramps? will this bite of food be the bowel obstruction line to have surgery? does this symptom mean I have only a short time? I ask all of these questions...my own doctors have thought that patients had only a few weeks to live and they are still here...what do we say about that??? My own dr...said there is no way to know...
I do know that I will transition one day...it may be very soon...it may be years from now...I don't know....sometimes I'm very scared and the deep attachements I have to this life cause me to cling and hold on tighter..other times I feel relaxed and accepting about whatever comes...
so...if it's true that none of us know for sure....then the only choice we have is to live moment my moment...what you can do for me is to stay in the presence of that moment by moment view and to lift me with your love and strength...instead of predicting my death...be with me as I continue to live...if it looks like I'm passing sooner...it's still the same...moment by moment...
I would also encourage us not to put off ...not to wait to tell someone you love them...you never know when it's your time...their time...my time..
If you look at me like I'm dying...it's not helpful for me...it's an interesting time...some friends who fell away in my life have returned with even more love and other friends have disappeared because they can't handle what is happening to me...I guess fear is a powerful sword...a sword that can pierce the hearts of people we love...I hope all of us in our own lives with our own challenges will find the sword of strength and honor and love....not the weakness that shows and takes over simply because we are afraid....we have to be better than that....we must be better than that!
The challenges for me keep coming...health...financial...emotional...just when I think it's a pause....it's all up in my face again...I have choices...I have to stay in the moment...I watch facial expressions....I hear comments...I know what is said behind my back...I know it's all ok...just check in with your intentions....is your behavior for you to feel better as I go through these challenges or is your behavior a reflection of the greater good? I have to live as if my experiences are for the greater good...for all the beings out there whom are suffering far greater than my own...breathing in the darkness and the pain for all beings including myself....breathing out light and freedom from all suffering....may we all be able to find this place of comfort ....comfortable with uncertainty...thank you again Pema for your wisdom.
I'm grateful for these current set of challenges...we all will learn so much! Please use your love and curiosity to dialogue about the wonders of life....about your fears and your weaknesses...talk and share and ultimately find your way back to me with the ability to lift me and yourself for this is not easy for any of us! I never wanted to lose my friends....they are with me more now than when they were alive...this knowing brings me comfort....the pain and the fear that I could transition is not easy for any of you...for us...for our special relationships and sharing feel like they just got started...it's ok to talk about all of these things....just find your way back with love...
Thank you for being a part of this experience called life with me...many of us have known each other for over 25 years or more...we all have something unique and special to lose and to gain with the challenges we face....
With my deepest love for you,
Summer
What a wonderful post, thank you. You were able to say so much of what I've felt in my own way with my injuries and the people around me, and say it so eloquently. I love you so much. I know you know that but I'm not going to stop telling you.
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